butterflykiss
Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars!
why
that is basically all i have to say...
why do i let myself get all worked up and upset over something that shouldn't be anything....ugh
all over stupid boys....
MindSay Quick Update /
I am feeling that this summer went by far too quickly
I know
I just know
thats all there is to it
only been a couple months (2 this Friday tehe)
but I've never felt this before
ever- never the way that i do now
and to think... "The best is yet to come"
wow....if you could only see what he does to me
thats all there is to it
only been a couple months (2 this Friday tehe)
but I've never felt this before
ever- never the way that i do now
and to think... "The best is yet to come"
wow....if you could only see what he does to me
What I learned about myself
In the last month or so, my life has taken yet another complete 180.
It seems to be the trend lately and I am not exactly sure why. I think its all in this whole process of learning who I am, maybe? I don't really know. I mean, last year at this time I was still pretty sure I was going to marry that Marine of mine, and then in the summer I started noticing the little things that over time would make it super difficult to deal with, and thus...we ended. I finally understood what real heart ache was. I wasn't sure how to deal with it except for how I normally handled a break up- move on to the next.
So...I picked one that was basically the polar opposite of him (All about school, serious, shy, super talkative about everything, etc.) Probably one of the nicest sweetest guys that I'd ever met, but there wasn't that poking fun side and make my gut hurt from laughing so hard side. He did all of the amazing boyfriend things that I want and like, and as much as I wanted to feel all of those things I knew he was, I didn't. He looked at me the way I looked at Tay when we were together.
Speaking of Tay, as kind of a side note, because I knew I still wasn't totally over him, but I was trying so hard to fill the void that was missing without that love in my life. I knew I couldn't be with him, but getting used to knowing that feeling I got with him wouldn't ever be there, and I wasn't feeling it with Joel, the initial BAM wasn't really a BAM, and for me that is important. Anyway, Tay and I had a super duper long talk the other week, which was random, but by the end of our conversation I felt like I was actually letting go, and every day that goes by I am actually better and better. I mean I've been detached from the relationship for a real long time, but the deep feelings stuck longer than I thought. But, in complete honesty, I am finally ready, I think all I needed to do was get it all out to him and hear what he had to say and then I might be ready. Okay back to the real topic...
There was just something not right about the situation, something was missing, and it got to me a lot, but I never wanted to let it come to the surface...until I was away from it. I went home for winter break, and within the first 24 hours I basically realized that a huge reason I was with him so much and tried so hard to want to like him was because it was an "out" from the craziness that was my life first semester.
The more I got to thinking about it, I understood more what I really did want and what kind of person I am and what I am looking for. My mom always told me if I found 2 guys that both seemed perfect for totally different reasons, wait long enough and the perfect combination of both guys will come knockin on your door and you will know right away, sparks will fly and the search will be over.
And guess what...pretty sure, no I am for sure that its happened. Usually I do the..part of me this...part of me that...but its the WHOLE entire me that knows what this is. I don't know what is so different and special about this, but it is, and I am so incredibly happy.
I have really fallen this time, I actually have the feelings and know they are real feelings. I don't have to try and think about what I should say, how I want to feel or what should come next- it just happens naturally. From the first time I talked to Adam, to the first time I hung out with him, its all been different and things just keep getting better. The only part that isn't so wonderful is that we are 600 miles away half the time. But its a small price to pay for how much I want him, and knowing that I've got him waiting and waiting for him is so worth it.
I told myself I'd never do the long distance relationship again, but everything tells me that I would be missing out on something so special and wonderful, I just can't not. I didn't think it was possible for me to have these feelings again, but then again this is different. There is something so incredible, and I can't even describe it. The best part about the whole thing is that we established our attraction without the physical aspect, and then once we finally hung out, having both was...ah undescribable.
So basically heres where I am at the moment....feeling absolutely blissful and head over heels- can't wait till Thursday...because he is coming here! My family hasn't even visited me at school, no one from back home has seen where I go to school- Molly is the closest its come to having someone see where I am now- but he...wow, he just decided to come see me because he misses me and wants to see me... Crazy butterflies- or as we say...hummingbirds mixed with bats.
and...I'm spent... but that was much needed to get out there!
It seems to be the trend lately and I am not exactly sure why. I think its all in this whole process of learning who I am, maybe? I don't really know. I mean, last year at this time I was still pretty sure I was going to marry that Marine of mine, and then in the summer I started noticing the little things that over time would make it super difficult to deal with, and thus...we ended. I finally understood what real heart ache was. I wasn't sure how to deal with it except for how I normally handled a break up- move on to the next.
So...I picked one that was basically the polar opposite of him (All about school, serious, shy, super talkative about everything, etc.) Probably one of the nicest sweetest guys that I'd ever met, but there wasn't that poking fun side and make my gut hurt from laughing so hard side. He did all of the amazing boyfriend things that I want and like, and as much as I wanted to feel all of those things I knew he was, I didn't. He looked at me the way I looked at Tay when we were together.
Speaking of Tay, as kind of a side note, because I knew I still wasn't totally over him, but I was trying so hard to fill the void that was missing without that love in my life. I knew I couldn't be with him, but getting used to knowing that feeling I got with him wouldn't ever be there, and I wasn't feeling it with Joel, the initial BAM wasn't really a BAM, and for me that is important. Anyway, Tay and I had a super duper long talk the other week, which was random, but by the end of our conversation I felt like I was actually letting go, and every day that goes by I am actually better and better. I mean I've been detached from the relationship for a real long time, but the deep feelings stuck longer than I thought. But, in complete honesty, I am finally ready, I think all I needed to do was get it all out to him and hear what he had to say and then I might be ready. Okay back to the real topic...
There was just something not right about the situation, something was missing, and it got to me a lot, but I never wanted to let it come to the surface...until I was away from it. I went home for winter break, and within the first 24 hours I basically realized that a huge reason I was with him so much and tried so hard to want to like him was because it was an "out" from the craziness that was my life first semester.
The more I got to thinking about it, I understood more what I really did want and what kind of person I am and what I am looking for. My mom always told me if I found 2 guys that both seemed perfect for totally different reasons, wait long enough and the perfect combination of both guys will come knockin on your door and you will know right away, sparks will fly and the search will be over.
And guess what...pretty sure, no I am for sure that its happened. Usually I do the..part of me this...part of me that...but its the WHOLE entire me that knows what this is. I don't know what is so different and special about this, but it is, and I am so incredibly happy.
I have really fallen this time, I actually have the feelings and know they are real feelings. I don't have to try and think about what I should say, how I want to feel or what should come next- it just happens naturally. From the first time I talked to Adam, to the first time I hung out with him, its all been different and things just keep getting better. The only part that isn't so wonderful is that we are 600 miles away half the time. But its a small price to pay for how much I want him, and knowing that I've got him waiting and waiting for him is so worth it.
I told myself I'd never do the long distance relationship again, but everything tells me that I would be missing out on something so special and wonderful, I just can't not. I didn't think it was possible for me to have these feelings again, but then again this is different. There is something so incredible, and I can't even describe it. The best part about the whole thing is that we established our attraction without the physical aspect, and then once we finally hung out, having both was...ah undescribable.
So basically heres where I am at the moment....feeling absolutely blissful and head over heels- can't wait till Thursday...because he is coming here! My family hasn't even visited me at school, no one from back home has seen where I go to school- Molly is the closest its come to having someone see where I am now- but he...wow, he just decided to come see me because he misses me and wants to see me... Crazy butterflies- or as we say...hummingbirds mixed with bats.
and...I'm spent... but that was much needed to get out there!
No smiles - you know you wanna
once again...is this possible?
How do feelings change and people change so damn quickly
Being home has been the best/craziest time so far
I love it, but whats going to happen when I go back
The next month or so could be interesting....wow
Is there something wrong with me?
I go from....being totally in love for the first time- to unsure- to sure- to breaking up- to meeting someoe new- starting to fall in love again- and back to that unsure thing
WOW ashley...WOW
No smiles - you know you wanna
whos lucky?
I am!
Here's why.... I have found someone who really does all the things that I have always wanted, and does them without thinking- not only that I make him just as happy and he appreciates the little silly things I do that usually go unnoticed. (examples: even after almost 2 months he still opens the car door and ever door for me, he is almost more talkative than me, and his storytelling is the same style as mine-long and full of details about everything, he's nice to everyone around him, he's outgoing and loves to meet new people and have a good time, and SO many other things)
It seems soon to think this way, especially considering Tay and I only broke up a couple months ago- but then again you can't help your feelings- right?
Even though all the craziness around me with all things in my life (friends, family...other stupid drama), he can turn a crappy stressful day into a silly happy comforting day with one hug, a kiss and a goofy comment.
*sigh*
Here's why.... I have found someone who really does all the things that I have always wanted, and does them without thinking- not only that I make him just as happy and he appreciates the little silly things I do that usually go unnoticed. (examples: even after almost 2 months he still opens the car door and ever door for me, he is almost more talkative than me, and his storytelling is the same style as mine-long and full of details about everything, he's nice to everyone around him, he's outgoing and loves to meet new people and have a good time, and SO many other things)
It seems soon to think this way, especially considering Tay and I only broke up a couple months ago- but then again you can't help your feelings- right?
Even though all the craziness around me with all things in my life (friends, family...other stupid drama), he can turn a crappy stressful day into a silly happy comforting day with one hug, a kiss and a goofy comment.
*sigh*
its just me!
Mes amis
The ones who look at my babble
Some pretty rockin links!
Crazy 40
Guess who I'm going to be for Halloween! - and no, it's not Harry Potter.
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